The Powerful Black Women: Part 3

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Yanla Vansant

Part 1 of this discussion of Guilt and Shame concentrated on reasons why women harbor guilt and shame which included: Past Experiences of Abuse or Trauma; Feelings that she has to be all things for everyone; and being Physically and Mentally oppressed.  These reasons keep women trapped which will ultimately jeopardize her health.

Still I Rise

Part 2 of this discussion was reasons to Let Go of Guilt and Shame that increases the risk for women to experience morbidity problems of: Anxiety; Depressed Moods; Self-loathing.  Holding on to guilt and shame can cause unwanted health concerns.  Guilt and Shame may appear that she is barring all things and keeping it all together to the outside world, but all the while jeopardizing her physical and mental health.

Finally Part 3: The Break-Through

There is a Misconception of Black Women that states:  To be Strong Black women suggests a superhuman trait rendering Black women capable and obligated to take on and handle all the burdens of the world (Walton & Oyewuwo-Gassikia, 2017).

Black Woman wrap

Strong Black women have gone through some stuff…

 The Powerful Black Woman

  • Recognizes that she has limits:
    • May not have the answers, out of control, emotionally spent, and powerless;
  • Recognizes when to solicit help from others:
    • Enlists a support system (family, friends, faith community, social resources);
  • Takes responsibility for her actions and completes the tasks:
    • Sets clear boundaries;
  • Finally, she shares her story!
    • Helping others by being transparent.

 

 

2 CORINTHIANS 13:9

We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong;

and our prayer is that you may be fully restored.

 

Peace and Blessings!

By:  Kristen Pettaway, MA LPC Liberty University |

Clinical Case Manager Intern Destination Greatness, PLLC

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Office Sites

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org

https://www.facebook.com/thedestinationgreatnessfoundation

 

 

 

References

Walton, Q. L., & Oyewuwo-Gassikia, O. B. (2017). The case for #blackgirlmagic: Application  of a strengths-based, intersectional practice framework for working with black women with depression. Journal of Women and Social Work, 32(4), 461-475. doi:10.1177/0886109917712213

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3 Tools: Speak To Your Pain

Therapy Talk Thursdays

Holding on to pain, anger, guilt or shame is the glue that binds us to the situation we want to escape. -Iyanla Vanzant

We’ve all experienced pain, disappointment, and adversities in life. Perhaps, it was the homegoing of a loved one, medical issues, relationship trauma, abuse, or financial stressors. Please know that your greatest adversities in life can fuel your greatest successes.

Black Tears

3 Tools to Speak To Your Pain

1.Acknowledge Your Pain

2. Write A Letter to Your Pain

3.Turn Your Pain into Purpose

Dear Pain,

You have no purpose in my life. You have to go!-DA

black happy

Co-Author Opportunity

Are you ready to share your story? Are you ready to take your power back? Are you ready to turn your pain into purpose?

If so, then email us at speaktoyourpain@gmail.com as we will officially release details on the Speak To Your Pain collaborative book project.

Shanna A. Jefferson

Loving Someone Who is Suffering

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Relationships can be challenging for anyone, mental illness or not. However, a mental illness can add a larger challenge for couples. The number of adults diagnosed with a mental illness is at an all-time high. More than ever people are becoming aware of their issues and seeking professional help. Whether it’s depression, anxiety, Schizophrenia, or one of the numerous other illnesses, one thing for sure it that you more than likely know someone who is suffering and living with a mental illness.

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Chances are if you are in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness, and who openly talks about their mental illness, you understand that things are different for them. You understand that it can be harder for them to express their feelings towards you.

 

 

Listed below, are 2 tips to remember when loving someone with a mental illness.

 

  1. SOME DAYS ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS. Some days are good, but there are always going to be bad days. There will be days that your significant other doesn’t want to do anything, these are the days that they need you the most. On these days, you should remember that you are not the reason they are sad or suffering. Bring them breakfast in bed, flowers, a nice card. Letting them know you are thinking about them will encourage them to get through the day.

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  1. ASK QUESTIONS. If you don’t suffer from a mental illness, you probably are not familiar with all the symptoms and other issues that can go along with mental illness. By asking questions, you are showing your significant other that you care about their well-being. You are also, showing them that you are interested. You should be interested, it is always good to understand issues your significant other has.

question

Hopefully, with these two tips, you will be able to understand your significant other better. By learning to accept mental illnesses, you are helping in ending stigmas related to mental illness.

 

Remember, there will always be better days than some, and it is better to ask questions rather than assume.

 

Keep on, keeping on.

 

Katheryn Burton

Clemson University, BS Psychology ’18

Case Management Intern

Destination Greatness, PLLC

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org/

 

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Learning to Communicate Effectively

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We all know that communication is key in a healthy relationship, some might say that it is the most important part of a relationship. Having good communication skills, can improve many types of relationships, romantic, work, etc.

relationship

Below is an excerpt from a NAMI.org, on learning how to communicate effectively.

 

https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Family-Members-and-Caregivers/Maintaining-a-Healthy-Relationship

 

nami logo

Learn To Communicate Effectively

“Developing good communication skills will improve all of your relationships, but they’re especially important when mental illness is in the mix. Effective communication is largely about building good habits. You can make choices that improve your chances of getting the results you want. Maybe you want to be able to ask your granddaughter to shower without getting into an argument, or tell your husband his smoking worries you without him giving you the cold shoulder.

A very good way to approach this is to use statements that give your perspective, rather than imposing perceived behavior. For example, try “I am concerned because you don’t seem interested in what I’m saying.”, instead of “You’re not listening.” Making thoughtful changes to how you communicate can move you closer to your goals.”

 

By improving communication skills, you are likely to improve any relationship you are in.

 

 

 

Keep on, keeping on.

 

 

Katheryn Burton

Clemson University, BS Psychology ’18

Case Management Intern

Destination Greatness, PLLC

 

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http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org/

 

 

 

About Destination Greatness

Destination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provide individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

 

 

Factors of a Healthy Relationship

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Having a healthy relationship is key to having a successful, long lasting relationship. There is not a perfect relationship. Everyone has issues, but there are many factors that add up to equal what a healthy relationship should look like.

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For starters, to be in a healthy relationship a couple must be committed to each other. There should be no “others”. Being committed to only one person allows you to stay focused on the one you want to be with. There has to be a mutual respect between the couple, by being committed to only one person, this shows you respect them.

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Second, communication is key. Having communication skill is essential in expressing what you need and want from your partner, and vice versa. If you cannot tell them what you need or want, how can they give it to you?

Third, to have a healthy relationship a couple must support each other. Sometimes this can be the hardest thing, especially if you do not agree with your significant other’s choice, but supporting your partner in most things they do is vital to a healthy relationship.  support.jpeg

Last, having separate friends and identities from your partner is needed to have a healthy relationship. Sure, you can and should have other couples and friends you hang out with, but eventually you will need space away from your partner. Allowing yourself to have friends that do not know, or are not close with your partner gives you someone who you can vent to when they are on your nerves or you just need a break from them.

 

Keep on, keeping on.

 

 

Katheryn Burton

Clemson University, BS Psychology ’18

Case Management Intern

Destination Greatness, PLLC

 

DG Logo

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org/

 

 

 

About Destination Greatness

Destination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provide individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love and Mental Illness

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It’s finally February and love is in the air! This month my posts will be dedicated to all things relationship and love related. We will begin this theme, by discussing the broad topic of love and mental illness.

hearts

With or without mental illness, relationships are tough, adding the factor of a mental illness just makes the challenge a little greater. Though some may think it is impossible to love or be loved by someone with a mental illness, you are very wrong. There are plenty of people who are very much in love with someone who has a mental illness, or who has a mental illness themselves.

Below, is an excerpt from PsychGuides.com, about love and mental illness.

 

“We surveyed more than 2,000 people in the U.S. to explore the effects mental disorders can have on relationships, comparing responses from men and women to see where these experiences and concerns diverged by gender. Our respondents opened up about how forthright they are about their mental health, how supportive their partners are, and which insecurities they encounter.

First, let’s get a closer look at our survey respondents. Among those who completed our survey, 64 percent reported having some type of mental disorder. Anxiety and depression were the most common issues among respondents, together comprising over 44 percent of reported mental disorders.

Anger was the third-most-common issue. A number of disorders comprised around 5 to 6 percent of mental disorders: substance abuse, addiction to sex/porn, other addictive behaviors, ADHD, and eating disorders. Fewer respondents reported OCD, panic disorder, sexual abuse, and PTSD.

angry

 

Unfortunately, even today there can be a stigma attached to mental health disorders, which can make people reluctant to tell even those closest to them that they have a mental health condition. We asked our respondents who have mental disorders whether they shared their diagnosis with their partner. Nearly three-quarters of women told their partners about their mental health issue, but only slightly more than half of men disclosed the information.

Relationship experts have found that healthy long-term relationships require honesty and trust, so it’s best to disclose a mental health disorder before experiencing an acute episode that could bring it into the open. If you’d like to learn more about navigating a relationship while dealing with a mental health disorder, visit PsychGuides.com.”

love

To read the full article please visit, https://www.psychguides.com/interact/love-and-mental-illness/.

 

Katheryn Burton

Clemson University, BS Psychology ’18

Case Management Intern

Destination Greatness, PLLC

 

DG Logo

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org/

 

 

 

About Destination Greatness

Destination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provide individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Time to Stand-Up and Speak-Out

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By: Kristen Pettaway, MA LPC Liberty University | Clinical Case Manager Intern Destination Greatness, PLLC

Women Stand Up

Stand UpSerious business!  There has been an enormous amount of conversation lately about sexual harassment and sexual violence.  Many of the violators have gotten away with this behavior for years.  It has now come to light as many public figures have decided to take a stand and speak out against harassment in the workplace.  I just want to take this opportunity to shine some light on what happens to the individual who may not have a voice to stand-up and speak-out against their perpetrator.

Black Tears

 

Statistics reveal that the highest rates of victimized children are from the African American community.  The effects from such maltreatment can lead to both short-term and long-term consequences on the individual’s mental health.  History of sexual violence and sexual misconduct against African American women in their childhood and adolescence may result in depression, trauma, and suicidal thoughts even successful completion of suicide.

Group DiscussionThis type of behavior should not be tolerated and should not be acceptable in our workplaces nor in our communities.  We must give a voice to the voiceless who continue to struggle through situations that cause them physical and mental harm.  This is a call to action to stand-up and speak-out against sexual predator behavior, sexual violence, sexual harassment, sexual violations and sexual misconduct of any kind.

Until next time, remember the minds of young women are at state!

LogoDestination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provides individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

 

 

Reference

Vinson, E. S., & Oser, C. B. (2016). Risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation in African American women with a history of sexual violence as a minor. Violence Against Women, 22(14), 1770–1787. doi:10.1177/1077801216632614

5 Tips To Help The Recovering Addict

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By: Kristen Pettaway, MA LPC Liberty University | Clinical Case Manager Intern Destination Greatness, PLLC

support

Support Group

Substance use and abuse are rampant in our communities.  For many family and friends of the addicted encouraging efforts may be exhausting and frustrating.  The addiction is controlling your loved one and there seems to be nothing that you can do about it.  Over the past several weeks I have had the opportunity to collaborate with members of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and Al-Anon.  While attending these meetings I have identified at least five ways that the concerned party of the addict can do to encourage their loved one without offending or becoming frustrated in the process.

AA has been in operation for more than 80 years with NA, and Al-Anon later establishing groups based on the AA principles.  These perceptive groups welcome anyone who has decided that the addictive behavior has become harmful enough to their health and well-being that sobriety is the only option.  While a guest at these different group meetings I walked away with 5 very important ways to help the recovering addict in his or her sobriety.

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  1. To eliminate the frustration: Stop telling the addict about his or her addictive behavior.  In order for the behavior to change the addict must be willing to change it. It is not enough for the family and friends to want the addict to quit his or her behavior.  The addict must want to change his or her behavior on their own.  When the addict is ready to commit to becoming sober they must first admit that there is a problem.  No one can tell the addict that he or she has a problem that needs to be fixed, that revelation must come from within.
  2. Help imageApply the Twelve-Step and the Twelve Traditions to your own life. Once the addict has made a commitment to change he or she must do the work.  Family and friends cannot do the work for the addict.  The family and friends have their own specific job to do for their own well-being and the addict has specific things to do to work on their stuff.  Whatever that stuff is, each person is challenged to work the Twelve-Steps and the Twelve Traditions of the program on their own.tes.org.uk
  1. Love the addict through their recovery. Since family and friends cannot do the work for the addict, trying and continuing to force your will onto the addict is futile and a mere waste of your time.  The only thing you can do is to continue to love them through it, as much as you can.  Prayer will help you help yourself and the addict build strength to go on.  Extending grace to the addict whenever things go wrong.  Forgiveness is a powerful tool.  To see the addict as yourself in the eyes of God who showered you with His grace and love and welcomed you into His presence.
  1. line in the sandSet clear boundaries. Mean what you say and say what you mean.  Just because you love the addict through his or her recovery does not mean you become their doormat.  Avoid becoming passive and enable the behavior.  As the addict’s support system you must also take care of yourself and the other family members who are going through the struggle with you and the addict.  As the supportive person, you may need to demonstrate some “tough love” at times so the addict knows that a boundary has been crossed.  It is not uncommon for an addict to experience jail time, homelessness, or something worst before he or she can turn the situation around.  Setting boundaries is an important instrument to provide safety for you and your family.vtdance
  2. And finally, exercise some patience. Live your life and allow the addict to live his or her life as well.  The concerned family and friends cannot control the behavior or take care of the addict nor is it your responsibility to do so.  The addict must take control of their own well-being.  Even if the addict is a child under the age of 18 years of age.  Parents are physically responsible for the well-being of the child but they cannot control their feelings, emotions, or behavior.  But if there are clear boundaries and rules in place everyone will know what will happen if one of those boundaries has been crossed.  It is not uncommon for an addict to go through recovery or rehab several times before he or she is able to quit.  Continue to care and support him or her for the effort toward recovery.

Until next time, be blessed.

request support

LogoAt Destination Greatness, we realize that addiction may co-exist with other diseases.  Yes, the addiction is a disease.  While some can experience using a substance and not become addicted others may become addicted after the first experience.  At Destination Greatness, we will help the individual explore the areas that cause a pivotal role in the addiction, while sobriety and abstinence remain the goal to foster change in the overall quality of life.  Destination Greatness, PLLC is available to anyone who has a desire to change.

 

 

References

Images.search.yahoo.com

5 Tips to Overcome The Monday Blues

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By: Kristen Pettaway, MA LPC Liberty University | Clinical Case Manager Intern Destination Greatness, PLLC

Blue-Night-Sky-Stormy-Beautiful-Dark-Lightning-Nature-65348(growing4life.net, 2017)

Have you heard of the Monday blues?  The Monday blues may be triggered by returning to the routine of life after experiencing an awesome weekend.  Other Monday blues can be triggered by not obtaining enough sunlight.  It happens during the cold winter months when the days are shorter and we stay indoors longer.

The Monday blues can happen to anyone at any time.  Students working on a school paper all weekend without taking a break, a stay at home mother with no adult interactions, the retired person with nothing to do, even the elderly experience the Monday blues.

The Monday blues are common as life becomes mundane.  However, if the Monday blues last for several days or even several weeks then you may be experiencing depression.  Depression can also happen to anyone at any time.  If you are unable to shake the sad, blue, drab, low-spirited feelings, or experience feelings or thoughts of suicide, you should seek professional help.

The most important thing to do is to avoid falling deeper into depression by withdrawing from the world.  Even though it may be difficult to resist becoming isolated, the best medicine for depression is to get out and to get active. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds us to consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  Look to the Lord and seek His face always (1 Chronicles 16:11) and stay in fellowship with others for encouragement.

Finally, to help combat depression individuals should eat clean healthy foods, maintain a regular exercise program, let friends and family help where they can, stay connected, and stay inspired.  Individuals experiencing Major Depression may also need the assistance of medication.  A healthy mind, body and spirit help are tools to combat bouts of depression.

Until next time aim for your Destiny!

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Destination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provides individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org

 

References

Bible Gateway. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.biblegateway.com/

growing4life.net. (2017, September 26). Stormy blue sky. Retrieved from Bing.com: https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=stormy+blue+sky&qpvt=stormy+blue+sky

 

It’s Time to Stand-Up and Speak-Out

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By: Kristen Pettaway, MA LPC Liberty University | Clinical Case Manager Intern Destination Greatness, PLLC

Stand UpWomen Stand Up

Serious business!  There has been an enormous amount of conversation lately about sexual harassment and sexual violence.  Many of the violators have gotten away with this behavior for years.  It has now come to light as many public figures have decided to take a stand and speak out against harassment in the workplace.  I just want to take this opportunity to shine some light on what happens to the individual who may not have a voice to stand-up and speak-out against their perpetrator.

Black Tears

Statistics reveal that the highest rates of victimized children are from the African American community.  The effects from such maltreatment can lead to both short-term and long-term consequences on the individual’s mental health.  History of sexual violence and sexual misconduct against African American women in their childhood and adolescence may result in depression, trauma, and suicidal thoughts even successful completion of suicide.

Group Discussion

This type of behavior should not be tolerated and should not be acceptable in our workplaces nor in our communities.  We must give a voice to the voiceless who continue to struggle through situations that cause them physical and mental harm.  This is a call to action to stand-up and speak-out against sexual predator behavior, sexual violence, sexual harassment, sexual violations and sexual misconduct of any kind.

The minds of our young women are at state!

Logo

Destination Greatness is a mental health and substance abuse psychotherapy agency dedicated to assisting individuals and families in maximizing their level of functioning on all life domains in pursuit of Greatness. Destination Greatness provides individuals and families with the opportunity to live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Destination Greatness strives to enrich each individual and family through greater self-awareness, focus on strengths, and belief in a greater destiny.

http://www.destinationgreatnesspllc.org

 

Reference

Vinson, E. S., & Oser, C. B. (2016). Risk and protective factors for suicidal ideation in African American women with a history of sexual violence as a minor. Violence Against Women, 22(14), 1770–1787. doi:10.1177/1077801216632614